Week 4 Story: The Jealousy He Would Regret
Note: this story is revised and the updated story can be found on my portfolio (Click!)
Public Domain Edition: Ramayana
Author sources: M. Dutt, R. Dutt, Gould, Griffith, Hodgson, Mackenzie, Nivedita, Oman, Richardson, and Ryder
Click!
Once upon a time, there twin brothers named Vincent and Stephen. The boys were strong, funny, and strong willed. Despite their grounded upbringing, Stephen always had a sense of jealousy for what Vincent had. Their looks masked each other. However, to Stephen, it seemed that Vincent received all the attention and bonus attractive traits-- greener eyes, thicker hair, and taller by one inch. What Stephen didn't realize was although he did not have these things, he was extremely gifted in other aspects of life-- mathematics, science, and writing. And these were the exact traits in which Vincent held the same type of jealousy.
For two years, Stephen was in love with a woman named Trinity. It came with heartache when Trinity came up to Vincent professing her love for him. Knowing how Stephen felt about, Vincent betrayed him, and pursued marrying Trinity.
This was the final straw. Stephen was at wit's end. "I am never good enough. I do not deserve to be treated like this by my own brother. He is supposed to be my biggest supporter-- not my biggest enemy." Stephen then mumbled the following words that would change his life forever: "My life would be so much better without Vincent. I wish he would just die."
BOOM
At that moment, a gunshot was heard a couple blocks down into an ally. Two robbers ambushed Vincent from behind in attempt to steal his money and belongings. As he struggled to hold onto a bracelet Stephen gave him last Christmas, the shot went right through Vincent's chest.
Was this really what Stephen wanted? Was this the revenge he needed to get over the betrayal his brother caused? "No! NO! NO!" Stephen would cry this to himself every night. He would never be able to forgive himself. Trinity lost the love of his life, but more significantly, Stephen lost himself, his other half, when his brother was killed.
Author's Note:
This story was inspired by Episodes 42 through 44 in Ramayana surrounding the death of Vali. In this story, Vali and Sugriva were once close brothers. Vali used his brother to take away his brother and kingdom, leaving Sugriva with nothing... until Rama comes along. After being betrayed by Vali, Sugriva was now out to get revenge by using Rama to kill him. Vali's wife begs him not to challenge Sugriva, because she knows the degree of strength and power Rama possesses. He ignores her, and plans on fighting Sugriva's party. However, before he can even face them in battle, Rama sneaks up and kills him, leaving Vali no chance to make a fair fight. Tara and even Sugriva, the cause of his death, more the loss of Vali. For this retelling, I wanted to focus on the mourning that Sugriva felt after killing his own brother. This modern story about twins, possessing pent up energy, aggression, and most importantly, anger, exemplifies the relationship Vali and Sugriva had. This is a tragic love story.
Hi Shary! I saw you had your revised version on your portfolio, but I wasn't sure how commenting on that would affect blog comments. I really enjoyed your story. I thought it was super original; it wasn't until I saw your author's note that I linked the similarities to the story of the monkey brothers from the Ramayana. I think your story shows just how valuable life really is; what we feel in one specific moment does not always reflect how we truly feel. This is also a classic example of the saying--"you should be careful about what you wish for." Your story makes me want to try giving some classic Ramayana stories a modern twist. I look forward to seeing more of your stories in the future, keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHey Shary!
ReplyDeleteI actually got the opportunity to read into a bit of both of your versions of this story. (Although I don't know if that was not your intention) You have phenomenal writing style and I can appreciate that you edited and revised it even further! I can really see how these adjustments made it easier to follow and definitely more appealing for a reader to look at. In all honesty, there’s very little left to wonder as I feel you put some good thought into how the revision should occur.
For the sake of the assignment, the only thing I struggled with was determining who had what traits as the end of the third paragraph threw me for a bit of a loop. To elaborate, I established in the second paragraph Vincent was the more physically appealing and Stephen was more mentally capable, but I didn’t emphasize enough that Stephen “didn’t realize” his own abilities. I don’t think this was reflective of your writing, but rather my subconscious determination of what is important within that sentence, and I think I focused TOO much on the traits that separated them. Again, phenomenal job, and thanks for putting in the time for sharing AND revising!